Dear Diary How much is it to hire a plane or at least get a seat on one (although to be fair in my case it would have to be a big seat)? I’ve decided that if English spring is going to continue with this abysmal lack of fight back against a winter, which is […]
Dear diary, OK, we all need to try harder. My GoFundMe page has clearly not raised sufficient funds to buy big enough balls for spring and frankly I think they’ve just given up. We had three days, THREE, where I thought they’d finally got with the programme. Admittedly they clearly had massive flatulence as well […]
Dear diary, I am setting up a GoFundMe page and I need your help. No, this is not, as you may all be guessing, a fund for my elopement/my vets bills/my solicitors bills or indeed anything to do with me; it’s to buy Spring some balls. Or maybe some new springs. But basically, something to […]
Dear Diary, Hoppy Easter to you all. I will be honest – I don’t understand the whole Easter thing; big bunnies supposedly hiding chocolate eggs all seems a little suspect to me. Sort of like a horse writing a book (or eight)… oh wait… I am not mentioning any lack of understanding, or indeed questioning […]
Dear diary, As I type, I’m pretty sure I might be featuring in several other online outlets and publications – unfortunately for me, less fan-type pages where people extol my brilliance, but more, for sale sites, where I suspect mother has suggested payment for me isn’t necessary… fair to say she doesn’t luff me right […]
Dear diary, It’s day 237,549 of winter. My feet are now developing webs and my ability to breathe underwater is now at least on a par with a whale. The last sighting of the sun was around the time mother could fit into single figure clothes sizes. The last time we actually managed seven days […]